One of the most common complaints we hear from women is about a sex drive that packed up its pants and left. The libido, frustratingly, is a bit chicken-egg. If it’s not there, you’re not that motivated to look for it but if you don’t look for it, you’re not gonna find it. That’s where hormones, er, come in.

Setting aside, for the moment, important physical or deeper emotional reasons for this - e.g. trauma, feelings of attachment, or physical barriers - our hormones have a lot to answer for when it comes to how keen we are to rustle up the sheets.

We want to preface all of this by saying that an individual’s sex drive is unique to them and what is ‘normal’ for you is not going to be the same as the next person so when we talk about getting back to ‘normal’ we mean what your desired level of sex drive is. No shade, no shame - get it, girl.

Let’s bone up on some key contributing factors to a lacklustre libido.

1. YOU’RE STRESSED AF

To say we get it would be an understatement. It’s been quite the ride these past 18 months and the knock-on effects of ‘the new normal’ are messing with our normal. For a lot of people sex is a great stress-reliever but isn’t a great aphrodisiac (see, chicken-egg).

Hormones are our body’s main communication system. When we’re stressed, our body’s main job is to allow us to maintain energy levels that will equip us to handle that stress. Think of your classic flight or fight response - we’re flooded with adrenaline and cortisol to handle those stressors and keeping the human race going by getting it on isn’t at the top of the to-do list.

While some stress is good, we don’t want it to spill over into the rest of our day once that ‘threat’ (or maybe just a tense meeting that’s on the books) is done with. To move to relaxation mode we need to tell our body that everything is copacetic. This is done with long deep breathing, mindful thinking, and sometimes with a little nutritional help. Avoiding coffee and nicotine is a great start and supplementing with calming herbs like Kava is even better.

2. YOU’RE RUNNING ON EMPTY

Fatigue, burnout, flat - whatever you call it and whatever you experience, running on empty is quite the fun sponge. If you have a giant mug that says something along the lines of ‘ don’t even speak to me until I’ve had my morning jolt’ you’ll know what we mean. The tank is empty and the juices ain’t flowing.

There are plenty of reasons for why we feel so fatigued and one excellent solution. This is the time to prioritise bed. Not like that - well not yet anyway - we mean get to bed and close those eyes. Put on some Sufjan Stevens, spritz the pillow with lavender spray and drift off for a solid eight. More if you need it.

However, sometimes it can feel like all the sleep in the world won’t fix a fatigue that goes deep to our bones. In these times we need to take a less passive set of actions: up your nutrients and your water intake, practise gentle exercise, and address your hormones.

Coffee is a pick-me-up classic but often our tiredness runs deeper than that and adding coffee into the mix makes us the less-than-desirable ‘tired but wired.' Try a morning matcha or hot cacao instead

3. YOUR HORMONES AREN’T PLAYING BALL

Oestrogen and testosterone are two key sex hormones that affect our libido. During the follicular phase (which starts on day one of your period), oestrogen rises to a juicy peak to trigger ovulation (which is when the follicular phase ends).

During ovulation we also experience a surge of testosterone, a subtle nod from mother nature to get us in the mood while we are most fertile. If your hormones aren’t doing this well-rehearsed dance and ovulating each month, you aren’t going to feel quite the same sexy effects.

Being familiar with your cycle means knowing what should be happening and when. This way you can recognise if something is off, signalling a hormone imbalance.

4. YOU’RE IN BED WITH HORMONAL CONTRACEPTION

How much do you know about your body on the pill? For example, did you know that its main job is to disrupt the communication between your brain and your ovaries to prevent monthly ovulation? It does this by preventing the production of oestrogen and progesterone which, in addition to being key players for our libido, also influence our mood, energy levels, libido, metabolism, and the health of our skin, brains, and bones.

In addition to this, the pill interferes with our body’s ability to process key nutrients like: vitamins B2, B6, B12, and B9 (known as folic acid), and vitamin E and the minerals magnesium, selenium and zinc. Many of these clever nutrients and minerals play an important role in revving up your sex drive, with low levels linked to a low libido.

Therefore, if we’re on the pill, topping up nutrient stores is a great way to make sure we’re still getting the nutrients that might otherwise be interfered with by hormonal contraceptives. 

If your sex drive is something you think needs some self-care, maybe you need some sexual healing. Or, you’re not really feeling yourself, addressing your hormones is the place to start. If we know that we need our oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone to be coming and going at the right time and in the right amounts- then the next step is to support them to ensure they’re fully equipped to get us going.

Top up your nutrient stores, relax, and enjoy bedtime (in more ways than one) and soon you just might find...you get what you need.